Diary:
Today I wont say smart and witty comments. No. Today, I am hurting deep. My family is falling apart. I feel so numb because somehow I wish it was all just a bad dream. I never thought my family would go through something like this...ripped apart. I see my mom, so beautiful, young and wise. My father, so colorful and charming. I wish i was as strong as my mother, but I am not this time around. This situation has broken my spirit, add that to the loss of Jared. It's just too much to handle.
How can anyone be happy away from the light? I cant bear to see my parents tears... I wish I could save them both. I wish so many things... but I wont always have them. If any song I write could dry their tears and make them change their minds... make Jared change his mind. I was left alone here in this dark place, while all around me changed. And I suddenly wonder, What is the purpose of pain? Will it take me to a greater place? Oh God, why is this happening? This entire year has been tears and dark nights where I would sleep with my hand on my chest...hearing my heart beats. To make me see that I was still alive. But.....Oh God.... I cant take this anymore. I cant change anything around me. I am helpless and powerless... people change their mind's so often it sickens me.
Oh God....please I need peace I need to be free. I miss laughing innocently around the gardens in my house dreaming about my true love. I miss myself...desperatly. So please Lord.... Help us.
Today I wont say smart and witty comments. No. Today, I am hurting deep. My family is falling apart. I feel so numb because somehow I wish it was all just a bad dream. I never thought my family would go through something like this...ripped apart. I see my mom, so beautiful, young and wise. My father, so colorful and charming. I wish i was as strong as my mother, but I am not this time around. This situation has broken my spirit, add that to the loss of Jared. It's just too much to handle.
How can anyone be happy away from the light? I cant bear to see my parents tears... I wish I could save them both. I wish so many things... but I wont always have them. If any song I write could dry their tears and make them change their minds... make Jared change his mind. I was left alone here in this dark place, while all around me changed. And I suddenly wonder, What is the purpose of pain? Will it take me to a greater place? Oh God, why is this happening? This entire year has been tears and dark nights where I would sleep with my hand on my chest...hearing my heart beats. To make me see that I was still alive. But.....Oh God.... I cant take this anymore. I cant change anything around me. I am helpless and powerless... people change their mind's so often it sickens me.
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