Amelia's Letter

Oh, so this must be how it feels. I have often heard my girlfriends speak of such silent endings with despair. This is how it feels, this calmness. This is how it feels to me when I lost you. Nothing. Empty sounds. Vacant looks and glares. 

I lost you the moment I met you. Remember that day? Place crowded with expectations, me being the weird one, you being the loud one. Yes, I remember how drawn I felt to your light, the sound of your laughter, the color of your eyes. The color of autumn. Truth is, at the risk of sounding extremely stupid...I could have stared into those amber eyes forever. 

I lost you that day, because I was afraid of loving you. I was scared to take a leap of faith and begin again. But I did, for a while. For a while I knew the meaning of a love so strong that it changes you. Your fire, your intensity, even your voice consumed me. I felt transformed. I felt more of me, so many hidden feelings were exposed and I felt naked, and I loved it. But, how can I tame a fire? Can it ever be controlled? 

You. Me. Us. It made sense. For a while. I am lying right now, as I write this I realized that I am hiding once more. You and I made absolutely no sense, because it never was about logic or arithmatic's. Truth is, we drove each other insane. But in that storm, there were moments of true calm when we would look at each other and find peace in our love. We were each others balance. And I loved you.

 Yes, I loved even the bad in you, the sorrows, your eccentric past  and your inability for forgive and forget. So again at the risk of sounding like a fool, because I was a fool...I still love you. I don't ever want to stop loving you, even when I can. As crooked as you are, you are the missing piece in my puzzle. 

I lost you the moment we kissed. The moment we embraced each other. I lost you the moment you saw me cry. I lost myself the moment I stopped  seeing what you saw in me. If this is our story, then I don't want to turn the page, I don't want to finish it. 

Do you?

Love,

Amelia