Xander and Amelia: In the world of women and mortgage loans

   It was a rather uncommon day in mortgage loan affairs when all projected cases closed. The time was exactly three in the afternoon and it served as an opportunity for casual day dreams. She thought of Xander and heard his boisterous voice across the hall. Amelia chuckled and wondered how anyone had such constant energy, considering where they were working.

Amelia took the chance of low "productivity" and walked for a while. She noticed that in every corner there was a woman. The world of mortgage loans is ruled by pure estrogen. Amelia thought about how women are the most loving and giving creatures, and yet the worst when it comes to competition. Amelia was aware that she looked strange staring casually at people in the 18th floor of the building, however, she sincerely did not care.

Women everywhere here.

Sasha was a mortgage loan underwriter. She had the clearest blue eyes and graying hair. Her lovely and delicate features made a smooth canvas for her rather difficult story. As if sensing she was being watched, Sasha smiled at Amelia and asked her to sit next to her. Some days, their conversations would be strictly business like how to know when a client qualifies for a federal mortgage loan without appraisal. But today, they both had a lot in their minds.

Sasha was 60 years old and Amelia 27. They had become close friends. It was Sasha who first mentioned to Amelia that there was more than meets the eye with Xander.

"Amelia, you are too closed up when it comes to love. Give Xander a chance"

"He makes me feel reckless sometimes. Like if I should loose control. It's so out of character for me".

"Given, he is a wild ride...but maybe he is just what you need"

Amelia smiled warmly at Sasha and dropped the subject. In that silence, these two women with decades apart from each other, found comfort. Sasha was still in love with her deceased husband. It had been ten years since his death from a heart attack. Amelia found it amazing how her friend surpassed the pain of loss and chose to remember the man she loved.

"I admire your peace, Sasha. I admire your courage on love and hope. You know what I've been through...maybe Xander just came at the wrong time"

Sasha was working on some figures in her computer but stopped abruptly and gave Amelia a "you're so full of shit"look. Amelia laughed hard and the sound surprised her. Everything about Xander always made her feel things. Feel again. Yet she found it so funny how Sasha could see right through her.

"Amelia, you're a sweet girl, but honey,cant you detect your own bullshit? Ever since you met this guy, I've seen you come alive. I feel as if with Xander, the real Amelia comes out. I'm not sure what you are waiting for".

Amelia shrugged but then looked at Sasha as if remembering a fun fact

"well, he did ask me out last week". Sasha extended her arms in the air in victory, but only to be slightly disappointed.

"And?! You told him yes, right?"

Amelia left the conversation in the air. She loved teasing Sasha like that. But truth is, she had decided a long time ago. As she made her way back to her cubicle, she stopped by Xander's desk. He was busy analyzing data and the frustration had him red in the face. Amelia always found this ridiculously cute in him. She wanted to stay a while looking at him without being noticed, but it was Xander, he always knew when she was near.

Amelia went up to him and in her most decisive tone yet, looked into his eyes and said "Yes". She smiled as if she couldn't believe what just happened, and quietly left.

In the world of mortgage loans, some people didn't make the cut, others got a great deal in the new federal mortgage loan, and two people spent the next two hours day dreaming of their up coming date.

Xander and Amelia: Fire and Water plus a phone call

Amelia had been up since the early morning. She peeked through her window and stared at the moving trees and the colors of the sunrise. And slowly, the sun came by taking away the sounds of night. Her mind kept playing to last night, oh what a night. She had been singing, she remembered the neon lights, laughter of slightly tipsy co workers and expectant smiles. She remembered him. She could never forget him. 

Her collection of books had become a hazard in her room. She piled stacks of diverse literature and each one had a memory of its own. From victorian classics and George Orwells's "Animal Farm"  to the rather modern erotic novels, yes Amelia's taste was broad. No matter how shattered her hopes have been, she always had her books, her mind, her paintings. Most receantly she was feeling the angst of a relationship gone dry. Eric, sweet innocent Eric had broken her heart more than anyone before. He was her best friend for years. She dreamed of a future and he played along until it was too much to ask from him. His absence only made her yearn for something life changing. She didnt know it then, but life was preparing her for fire.

In the middle of her organizing her young adult fiction novels  she recieved a phone call from an unknown number. Normally she would never bother with answering these types of calls, but something made her think she had absolutely nothing to loose. Eric was gone, Mia was dead. "What the hell?"She mumbled through her breath as she answered.

The instant she heard his voice she knew exactly who he was. For some incredibly stupid reason she started to fix her hair and spray some citrus splash on her skin. His voice made her glow with happiness and she felt so silly by it. She had been wearing sweats and a white tank top that said "Nice Junk". she wondered if he would approve of her brand of humor.

Almost instantly in the conversation, Xander and Amelia talked so honestly and open. No false pretenses, no covering up. She knew his secret and He knew hers. He learned that she  liked to paint when  nostalgia took hold of her  and she learned that he lived everyday like his last. At times Amelia would look at herself in the mirror just to see that-wait a minute- yes, she was smiling. She was happy Xander had called her. But then the dreaded question came up.

"I see Aidan walked you to your car a few times, is He your boyfriend?" Please say no. Please say no.
"Um, no he is not. I have a boyfriend- ah, hmm well had". What the hell was that? What is wrong with me? .
"Well which one is it? Had or have?" Please say had, please say had! 
"Oh, had. Long story. Not my particular favorite subject" Ok, that wasnt so difficult. It's really over.
 "Oh sure I understand " I have a shot! 

Xander was a man of goals and he had his mind set on Amelia since that day at the parking lot. She was not the type of woman he typically dated. Then again his typical taste had given him enough  baggage claim. His  intrigue for Amelia was beyond anything physical or emotional. He couldnt explain how in one conversation he felt himself falling for her mind, the sound of her voice, her convictions. He felt himself changed by her.

Amelia was a natural skeptical when it came to love. Sure she had felt the butterflies but she had an edge to her. Love had not been too kind either. Or was it really love? A love that changes you. No, she had never experienced that. She had never been drawn to men like Xander either, all sociable and expressive. No, this was something new. Her initial reaction has always been to just walk away. Too much fire and she was too much of water. But his voice, deep and rustic...she needed more of it. His eyes were of her favorite color: Amber. His hair the color of sunset. She wondered if she could paint a portrait of him. He was like a work of art. All in one conversation.

They were complete opposites, yes anyone could have told you that.
They were in for a surprise.

And ironically, Monday's  became their favorite day of the week.


 

Xander and Amelia: Kareoke Madness

5:00 p.m. San Juan, Financial District



Amelia Lockhart stared into her office watch. She tapped her foot on the carpet, as if counting the seconds.  A few more minutes and she would clock in eigth hours of labor dedicated to a career she never studied for. But more on that later, because today was different. Today, she found a reason to stay a few more hours in the city. Amelia smiled because she had wanted to see him ever since that day at the parking lot. But he also scared the living daylights out of her. How could someone have such a dual reaction to her?

Amelia still had no idea what she felt for this person, whom she detested and was so curious about. This person who was from another world. After that infamous afternoon, Amelia had asked her friend Aiden  to walk her to her car. And every day, she would see him in his sleek Volvo parked next to her  blue  SUV. Her pink taser was always charged and ready for action, yet this person was moving slowly. He would only steal glances at her and smile...Amelia hated that she loved his smile. She was only dissappointed that her taser was left unused...to use it meant He would have to come closer.

So terrified and well, let's face it, PARANOID was she, that even her other co-workers knew about him. Some called him "The German" other's prefered to call him "the guy with red hair who scares Amelia".  Her friend Mikaela made the effort to talk to "The German" about her.

                                                     One month ago......


Mikaela and the german/red head guy/guy that scares Amelia/ had met with other co-workers for a few drinks. After a few minutes of analyzing him, she realized that Amelia would really like him. As if keeping a naughty secret from her (which she did), she showed him a photo of the "girl of his dreams".

Xander's expressive eyes enlarged even more when he saw the photo of the mysterious weird girl from the parking lot. "Nooooo way!!!!!!" "I know who she is!!!" "I have seen her, your telling me she is a singer? "Her name is Amelia?". Goal oriented Xander made a mental note that now he had legit reasons to speak to her, that girl who always looked away from him. He kept smiling all night.


                                                        Present day 

                                                         5:25 p.m. San Juan, 
                                          St. Martin Train Station kareoke

The shuttle bus made an abrupt stop. The neon lights sparkled everyone. Anticipation in their eyes. Hearts beating fast. Amelia step out and was face to face with Xander. It felt as if he was waiting for her. Amelia made serious efforts not to freak out and scream, or throw herself right at him.  She was leaving, or so she had decided, but Xander would not take it. He followed her to the parking lot, and after all those months of thinking what to say... "You are the singer, right?"

Amelia, not knowing about Mikaela's trick, was even more festered and scared. "How does he know? Oh crap! I knew it! He has been following me!!" She could only muster a mumbled "umm yeah, uhum.  In that moment you would have never guessed she had a master's degree under her shaking belt.

Xander, on the other hand, was growing even more with confidence. Tonight was the night he would begin to know her. He had no idea why so much intrigue over someone so quiet. But he felt she was different and special, and coming from a past like his, he was searching for the real thing.

"Dont go away! Im coming back. I have to hear you sing"
Amelia nodded
Xander gave her one last smile and chuckled.

Amelia, quickly walked towards her coworkers, all smiling and asking her what was that all about. She couldn't even speak articulately. The DJ was playing the song "Madness"from the band Muse. She suddenly gave in to melody and heart thumping rhythm. The lyrics made it a fitting environment.

"I need to know, is this real love, or is this madness?" She sang out loud and with a drink in hand, she decided it was time to sing and let it all out. Music has always been her escape, her resting place. She looked around for Xander's face amongst the crowd. She was surprised to find out, that he was doing the same. At that moment, eyes locked, she finally smiled, truly from her heart at the exact moment the song said "I have realized, that I need to love".

She took the mike and sang with her heart out. People looked around searching for a face to match the edgy voice, and were surprised to see it belonged to "meek"Amelia. The crowd kept growing, Amelia cheered on and felt so free. When she finished the song, she suddenly so brave, searched for Xander. He had never left her side.

They found each other and began laughing for no good reason. After exchanged names and all, Xander couldn't stop saying how wonderful she sang. Amelia couldn't believe that she loved the sound of his deep voice. He wasted no time and asked for her phone number.

"Oh, you can ask Mikaela for my number. I was about to leave".

Xander's heart beat faster....

"No, please...I really would love to call you".

Amelia's eyelashes batted.  Ohhh, now what do I do? Oh screw it, i cant go on denying. 

" If you want you can put me under Amelia Bank so you wont get confused".

Xander chuckled, "You are the only Amelia in my life. You, what you did tonight. It was unforgettable, like that time in the parking lot with your shirt".

............ Wait, What?. "Y-you remembered that?"

"Like I said, unforgettable".

Xander, I like your name... I might even like.... 

Amelia's drive back home was filled with unsaid words. Her past called, but she ignored it. All she could think of were the color of Xander's eyes, his voice and this desire to know more. Xander saved Amelia's number. He would call first thing. He never felt more sure about anything before.

Two strangers...Two different worlds
One story to tell. Minus one pink taser.

Amelia's Letter

Oh, so this must be how it feels. I have often heard my girlfriends speak of such silent endings with despair. This is how it feels, this calmness. This is how it feels to me when I lost you. Nothing. Empty sounds. Vacant looks and glares. 

I lost you the moment I met you. Remember that day? Place crowded with expectations, me being the weird one, you being the loud one. Yes, I remember how drawn I felt to your light, the sound of your laughter, the color of your eyes. The color of autumn. Truth is, at the risk of sounding extremely stupid...I could have stared into those amber eyes forever. 

I lost you that day, because I was afraid of loving you. I was scared to take a leap of faith and begin again. But I did, for a while. For a while I knew the meaning of a love so strong that it changes you. Your fire, your intensity, even your voice consumed me. I felt transformed. I felt more of me, so many hidden feelings were exposed and I felt naked, and I loved it. But, how can I tame a fire? Can it ever be controlled? 

You. Me. Us. It made sense. For a while. I am lying right now, as I write this I realized that I am hiding once more. You and I made absolutely no sense, because it never was about logic or arithmatic's. Truth is, we drove each other insane. But in that storm, there were moments of true calm when we would look at each other and find peace in our love. We were each others balance. And I loved you.

 Yes, I loved even the bad in you, the sorrows, your eccentric past  and your inability for forgive and forget. So again at the risk of sounding like a fool, because I was a fool...I still love you. I don't ever want to stop loving you, even when I can. As crooked as you are, you are the missing piece in my puzzle. 

I lost you the moment we kissed. The moment we embraced each other. I lost you the moment you saw me cry. I lost myself the moment I stopped  seeing what you saw in me. If this is our story, then I don't want to turn the page, I don't want to finish it. 

Do you?

Love,

Amelia

Días de Enero 2007: The Letter was not sent

Estas son las palabras  que nunca te dije. Los deseos que dejé pasar mientras abordabas tu avión hacia lugares que yo nunca podré ir. Cuando pienso que te quise, lo hago de una manera tan seca. Quizá no hubo tiempo para la pasión y sólo la conducta observable. Me gustas, Te aprecio, Te...quiero? Te quiero, no te vayas, Te quise...

Es cierto que en cada amanecer
Busco recordar tus miradas
En mis sueños, Te busco siempre a tí.

No voy a negarlo esta vez. Extraño tanto de tí
Tu manera de tomar el café
Nuestros debates sobre ciencia ficción
La dualidad de tu ser...arrogante y dulce.

Extraño la mano que sostuvo la mía hasta el atardecer
La mirada llena de sentido del humor y, 

¿amor?

Los sonidos metropolitanos, la arquitectura, tu vestimenta negra,
El día en que buscamos por toda la ciudad el lugar perfecto para nuestro beso.

Extraño que nunca supe lo que  significa mirar en la misma dirección juntos, un futuro.
Siempre miradas misteriosas. Siempre corazón de piedra. siempre una chispa de esperanza.

Extraño el momento que no sucedió. El decirte lo cobarde que eras, y lo mucho que me enamoré de ti. Todo recuerdo contigo es incompleto, y aunque quiera esconder lo que siento. 

Sé que te quiero. Te quiero con cada gesto, con cada palabra y aun cuando pasen los años de ausencia, te quiero sólo a tí. Creo que nuestro amor, fue destinado a nunca ser. Lo nuestro son ventanas  del tiempo donde nos volvemos a ver y diremos, "Quizá contigo es mi vida".

Y nada, se hará. Somos iguales y arrogantes. Somos dulces y misteriosos. Somos la dualidad más exacta e idéntica.

Pero, quiero que sepas, creo que contigo hubiera sido  feliz.

Extraño a alguien que no es...
Te extraño, sólo a tí...y a mí 

Xander and Amelia: Summer Heat

The day the heat was unbearable. The day makeup melted away with worries from moments past. It was the moment when working for a financial institution, actually became interesting. The day the most extremely different people had their first encounter.

He was boisterous. He was tall, slightly hefty and had reddish brown hair. His skin was pink and his eyes were the color of amber. It seemed that everyone knew his name, or better yet called him by the name "colorao". But, lets just call him... Ginger? No, that is lame. His name was Xander.

She was weird, or so they said. Long brown hair, big eyes, even bigger personality. But she was hiding behind a routine that ate away her fire. Mostly quiet, mostly thoughtful, mostly desiring an escape from it all. She had music in her lungs, her lips, her fingertips. Her name was Amelia.

Every now and then, they would bump into each other during lunch breaks. His eyes always scanning her, in a naturally curious way. She couldn't give a shit. She simply stared into nothing, always hoping but not searching.

It was a hot and humid afternoon. The steam rippled in the air and made their eyes tear. The financial institution they worked for had a shuttle bus that transported its employers to their significant automobiles. As Amelia stepped down and walked towards her blue ford escape, she became agitated. Blame it on the heat? The loveless relationship? Who knows. Only, she looked around feeling a desire to be free. And in a second she was. Her office blouse was out of her chest in no time. She could breathe again. She untied her hair and let it fall naturally. She felt like herself. With a smile on her face, Amelia walked feeling like a victor. No one was there to see her anyways. Or so she thought.

There he was parked right in front of her, sitting inside his sleek Volvo. A pretty confident car for someone equally cocksured. Yes, I just did. He had his eyes wide open and a smile of approval was spread all over his face. Xander  had always seen her so quiet and meek that what he witnessed seemed surreal. He kept thinking that there was more this girl than meets the eye. And he wanted to know.


She, stared back at him, challenging his intentions. Feeling the heat of the moment rise to its tipping point, she decided to break it and give him her most fierce "screw you" looks.  She felt confused as to how his reaction made her feel. Part of her wanted to say nasty things to him and send him to hell where there are surely no Volvo dealers. Another part  wanted for him to keep staring and wonder what would happen next.

Amelia  quickly got into her car and drove away, not before looking at him straight on and mouthing the word "douche". Xander kept laughing and smiling at her. Amelia bought a pink taser to burn his ass if he ever got close to her. Xander couldn't wait to get a chance to talk to her.

Oh Amelia, first impressions...first impressions. How wrong can you be?

Chasing Time

She, was waiting for time. She had been waiting for four years, and yet silence is all she always had. Her hands were sweating, and her heart  pounding hard. The wind kept on singing, and leaves fell everywhere near her. She had flowers in her hair and feet. She wanted a future, but decided for an end. Her companion sat next to her licking her cheek and waiting just as anxious. She looked into her eyes and felt she was, heart broken, but not alone. She breathed in the smell of sea breeze and felt comfort. "This is what makes me", she repeated until truth echoed in her entire body. This moment would change her, this she knew. To let go of familiarity, his scent, the feel of his skin. She was letting go a life of one sided passion.

The gates opened, and four years walked in. He made noise as he ruffled the fallen leaves. He was always so poised and calm, she was the wind, the earth, the sound of laughter. He was the stillness in the night. What do you say when confronted by such a face? The face of a child man, the face of innocence. As they stared into each others eyes, he couldnt help but smile and she couldnt stop the tears.

Life passed through their minds. Their life together, was never a clean canvas. It was color mounted into color, the thickness of it all always made it impossible to start over.  He was realism and she was post impressionism. None, could have found a way to merge. When passion from color wanted to dance with his classic lines, they realized how incredibly odd and different they were. Classic lines, classic needs. Passionate colors, diverse sorrows. He wanted a Vermeer painting, all dark and sullen. She desired Edvard Munch, an emotional experience, a physical trance, to ride naked, to be naked to the world.

Finally, He walked closer to her, seeing how this ruffled her like a tree in the mercy of a tornado. Cruelty comes in all shapes. His was likea soothing  balm. She waited for his body and desired no longer his heart. As he came closer, she closed her eyes and said "This is how you made me". He embraced her, and the proximity took her by surprise and chilled her bones. So many years without passion can leave you numb and when you finally feel something, its intense.

"You know what I'm about to do, dont you?"
"I do."
"Can you give me a reason to continue waiting?"
"I have nothing. Nothing to give you."
"Always so still  and cold"
"Always so emotional and passionate"

Nothing.... 

Without a word. Without a touch. Simply gazing into their past and no future. They had no future to call upon. No hope to save them. Could you have saved them? Could you have convinced them to try? To fight for what used to unite them? What would you have said?

She was waiting for time. But she decided time should try to catch up with her. After all, she is the wind,  the sound of singing leaves, she is the moment someone decides to move on. And that moment, is now.

Art from www.artmajeur.com